They appear in the wild, moving in packs on Instagram or silhouetted in the distance against a Lone Star horizon. Telltale flashes give them away: box-fresh black Stetson; fuzzy, candy-coloured hoodie; a glimpse of white sock peeking out between cuffed hem and chunky loafer. Below, the most aggressively invasive species taking over the menswear ecosystem. You’ve no doubt clocked them already—perhaps, even, in the mirror.
Latin name: Athletus copycatsis
Endemic to: Pregame tunnel walks; Taylor Swift concerts; Tru Kolors warehouse sales
Like a swaddled infant come to life—but at 35 times the size—Athletus copycatsis knows that it’s hard to powerbomb the GOAT when he’s dressed like a milk-drunk Bluey fan at nap time. But don’t doubt the hustle: Bro just PR’d his WOD. The post-gym neon Crocs are just #selfcare.
